The Thing I’m Most Afraid to Do

A thought-provoking prompt from WordPress.

I think I have plenty of goals, and many of them intimidate me. But none of them intimidate me quite like the thought of adopting/fostering children (and teens) in need.

It’s been long on my heart, long before even becoming a mother (at 17). For those new to my blog, I have quite a journey with fostering. When I was 15, I met my foster family, the Johnsons: a white Jewish family with 8 kids. The mother was pregnant. I came into their life and became their tenth. They were a place of refuge and kindness for me during what can only be described as the complete shattering of my life at the time.

I have mentioned foster and adopting to my husband countless times. He’s not so much onboard. He appreciates the idea of being a place of refuge and security for a child in need. But he’s not clear on how it may complicate our already complex life and current family dynamic. I understand that, and you know what? I have my own reservations as well.

The biggest thought that always pops up is “Can I handle it?” I’m always asking myself that when I feel drawn to this ministry.

Would I be a good foster mother? Could I adequately support a child whose life has been upended? Am I equipped? Do I have the patience for an emotional, misunderstood, and traumatized teenager?

Sometimes I don’t even feel like a good enough mother to my own children. But then I remember how much I love all children. How I found my calling in motherhood. How much I enjoyed working with children and mentoring them, and how much joy I derived as a preschool teacher. It unlocked something Kingdom driven in me that will never die.

I’m afraid to hurt a kid whose already in pain. I’m afraid that kid my hurt the children already in my home. I’m afraid that the kid won’t really want to be with me. But I know if it ever came down to it, and Yah led us to a young person in need, it would work out. It would be lovely. It would be a blessing.

I’ve put it in His hands. If it’s His will, then so be it. I look forward to serving children in need in many capacities, even if it’s not directly in my home.