Virginia has consistently been seeing sub 50 degree weather since mid December. There are of course rare occasions in which we get up to 65, sometimes 70, and my husband is like “Asha! You HAVE to go outside today.”
Monday was one of those beautiful sunny but windy 65 degree days. When my husband demanded that I go an feel the wind beneath my wings, I thought, you know what, he’s right. I had made my mind to go on a walk with the baby around the neighborhood. But I craved a little more time out. Then I asked,
“Speaking of going outside, when are you taking me to the library we found?”
He shrugged. “I can take you right now if you want to get dressed.” Because I was still wearing my robe. I gladly saddled my ass. Opportunities to go out with the baby, with beautiful weather, at the service of hubby as my chauffeur are just simply too tempting to pass up. I am typically couped up in the house, where I take care of our little one, cook, clean and tend to whatever hubby needs. We are not rich, and so I tend to find my entertainments at home. We’ve recently moved to a new community, and I would love to spend my time at the clubhouse or community gym. But it’s all still under construction.
So, unless we’re invited somewhere by my husband’s family, or he wants to show me one of the cool places he discovered while doing DoorDash, I don’t see much of the new city in which we now live. One day last week, we’d driven into a very quaint and uniformly designed commercial complex. I thought it was all so boutique and had an English charm to it. He pulled up real slow and pointed at a tiny store tucked into a corner. Then, from the parking lot, he said, “Do you see that?”
It was a LIBRARY! I gushed. He had promised to take me another day. I didn’t think it would come less than a week later.
So, on Monday, I got dressed, had breakfast with the baby, and ran to the car. I smiled the entire drive over. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a book girl. Libraries and bookstores (especially used bookstores) are my zen den. I used to take my daughter to the library all of the time when I lived in Texas (starting at when she around 3 years old). But coming out of the newborn storm this time around with baby #2, I forget that I can actually… take my baby with me.
Sometimes I worry that he will scream and disturb the peace, or flail and just overall embarrass me or even hurt himself. #BoyMom. But like most babies, he is often too in awe of the world outside his usual surroundings, to be throwing tantrums or even cry for the breast.
He only wanted to play with the board books and stuffies and baby puzzles, and I let him. Then I read two books with him that were part of their miniature Black History Month display. One of which was Soul Food Sundays by Winsome Bingham. It’s a beautiful, special and well written/illustrated work of art that brings remembrance to my youth– the universal black experience, of everyone getting together on Sundays after church to enjoy some Soul Food. I was surprised the library had that on display, and I savored every word shared with my boy.
I’ve made it a point to bring into our home positive, uplifting, and boundary-pushing representation of our people, so that our children know. That they are special, beautiful, and GOOD. So that moment with Noble (my son) was sacred, especially since I’d had the entire baby’s section of the library to ourselves (it was 1pm on a Monday: stay-at-home mom hours).
Not long after our own private story time, he let me rock him to sleep as he nursed. I browsed the books, picked up a few, and grabbed some magazines from the book sales area. They were 25 cents each, so of course I bought two. Architectural Digest Sep 2024 and Veranda May/June 2024.
Hunger began to set in, and So I checked out my books and packed baby into his stroller again. We set forth through the shopping compound, and revisited a Turkish cafe that hubby had taken us to last week. The baristas instantly warmed to us again, having remembered us, and recommended a Turkish tea, which was soooo yum!
One of the things I love about Islam is the separation of sexes. This is a Turkish cafe, where the baristas are women, and the establishment decor is leaning on the feminine side. So, for Turkish men or Muslim men who typically enjoy Turkish cafes/coffee, they see it having a feminine ambiance, they go “Oh, this is a woman’s space.” And they don’t linger.
As a result, for my entire time there with my son, there was only one man :). As a modest, and hijab-observant Israelite woman who was there without my husband, this was reaaaallllyyyyy refreshing. I wish there were more sex-segregated spaces for women.
By the time hubby came to pick us up late that afternoon, I was so refreshed. And all I’d done was play with the baby, read a magazine, and drink tea. But it was great to simply get out of the house, stretch my legs, and go into a space where silence is expected.
When was the last time you were able to get out?
And I don’t mean the grocery store. I mean get out? The park, the mail salon, or for a nice walk around the neighborhood.
Over the years I’ve learned to appreciate the correlation between my mood and my self-care. When I’m on go, go, go, being Mom and Wife and Homemaker, I get worn. I feel it physically. Then it hits me mentally and before you know it, three weeks have gone by without me going for a walk or generally leaving my house at all unless necessary.
Sometimes without even noticing, the walls can close in on you. The routine that once made you feel comfortable and confident is the same routine that makes you feel stuck. You start craving sunlight on your skin, fresh air in your lungs, and human interaction that isn’t from your kids. And then you remember, you’re a stay-at-home mom. Your home isn’t some bleak corporate office cubicle where you must sit all day or else! You can go out!
That’s one of the most precious gifts of staying home: time and space. Having a routine and sticking to it will definitely keep us ahead of our chores and duties, keeping the ship running. But the beauty is that this ship doesn’t define us and it definitely doesn’t rule us.
Even if it’s just for a ten minute walk, get outside. Don’t let low temps or a fussy little one so you, either. The excuses will always abound. Just do it. And smile while you’re doing it. Enjoy your life, the beauty of the earth, the simple pleasures in life. It’s true self care to step away from work for a few hours, especially when it starts to feel heavy. No one is going to condemn you for needing a breather. So relax, pray, and let the Holy Spirit lead you, instead of letting the schedule lead you.
Like me, I think you’ll find life much more pleasant that way, even if it is slightly less “perfect”. 🥰
My son will be one in March and Honey! It’s just not easy. When it should be easier. It’s been a struggle to stay patient.