Shalommmm Hebrews and Israelites ????
I haven’t been a wife very long, so I’m no expert on the matter. But I do know a bit about what The Scripture ordains for women.
There are many verses that make clear what women’s role is, how YHWH cares for us, our place in The Kingdom, and the impact we make and have the potential to make.
Marriage can be so dynamic. As the great book of Ecclesiastes states, there is a time for everything under the sun. A time for war, a time for peace. A time to laugh, a time to cry. A time to embrace, a time to pull away. So anticipate the flow to fluctuate as it is all a natural part of the process.
Some weeks, it feels like the first time you guys met. Next week, you’re barely speaking to one another. One week you’re praying three times a day together, and next week, you can hardly find time to even sit still in the same room. One year, you guys are having the best sex your marriage has ever seen, and the next year, you can count on one hand how many times you’ve even so much as felt desired.
Although these scenarios may not apply to you, the concept of this shifting is all a part of the motions. Life changes. People change. Homes change. Marriages change. That is the one constant of life: the living cannot avoid change. We are either dying or growing, and there is never an in between.
That’s why I compiled this list. I encourage wives to take an active approach in deciding whether their marriage is dying or growing. During the low and high points of your marriage, there are little things to be enjoyed, and the little things make all the difference.
Your marriage is worth the effort. It’s your number one priority. Before career. Before your children. Before your parents. Your husband and his comfort, development, peace, sustenance, and rest are the greatest investment you’ll ever make.
These tips may seem minute but trust me when I say this: a woman’s authentic femininity in the world is a flower in a barren land. The beauty catches eyes. Hope is found. Courage is developed. Hearts are changed. It makes all the difference. Don’t underestimate the impact you can make with very simple mannerisms and habits.
We are either dying or growing, and there is never an in between.
12 Silent Ways to Blow Your Husband’s Mind (for free!):
1. Keep Your Appearance Up
Many women don’t want to hear this, but many men objectify everything in this realm. Cars, clothes, riches, livestock, land, children. Women are hardly an exception. This isn’t necessarily a negative thing, either. Ownership is a part of men’s divine headship, just as much as protection and strength is the territory of their divine masculinity.
And big surprise: they want the best!
Of course, beauty is deeper than looks, and looking great doesn’t automatically make one the best. In fact, Scripture tells us beauty is vain, but a woman who reveres YHWH is praiseworthy (Proverbs 31:30).
Does this mean we shouldn’t take the time out to be hygienic, intentional, and creative with our appearances? Does this mean we get to leave the house looking however we want? Does this mean we get to neglect our hair? Become obese? Have crusty feet?
Always consider your appearance and maintenance just as much a part of being a good wife as cooking cleaning, rearing children, and anything else you think makes you a good wife.
And side note, appearance is also about your conduct as well. How you represent your man is crucial. You take on his name and identity when you marry him. You are his ambassador, spokesperson, public relations rep, and campaign manager. What do you want to tell the world about your husband?
A picture is worth a thousand words. Your husband, and everyone else, WILL notice the difference.
2. Dress Up Whenever You Cook
Again, appearance should be just as much a part of being a good wife as cooking and cleaning. When you are preparing a meal, consider yourself as part of the meal. Wouldn’t you love to be admired by your husband just as much as he is admiring your Swedish meatballs?
Wear a captivating dress, and if you don’t have company, wear your hair down. Some nice shoes. Perfume. And for the wives whose husband’s don’t mind makeup, go ahead with that, too. Make sure to smile.
This is important because it can mean the difference between love making after a long day, and him going straight to bed after a long day. Present yourself as desirable as much as you work to make your meals appealing. The chance you’ll feel invisible will significantly decrease 😉
3. Don’t Speak When He’s Speaking
Whether it’s work, sports, family, Scripture, plain old venting, or especially when he’s giving you correction, you want to always show him respect.
Don’t interrupt. Nothing quite says “What I have to say is more important than what you have to say” more than interrupting someone.
When it comes to your husband, this shouldn’t even be a question.
“The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.”
Proverbs 31:11 KJV
Would you give your heart to someone who doesn’t show you they are trustworthy with it?
A large part of protecting his heart, is being a gentle conversationist. His affections and desire towards you is largely dependent upon it.
In a world where no one respects him, everyone doubts him, nations want to eradicate him, heathens want his birthright, and nothing is certain– be that certain thing. Show him respect. Value his words. Listen to his heart. Don’t speak when he is speaking, no matter what. Whatever you need to say can wait, and sometimes, it doesn’t need to be said at all.
4. Accept His Apologies Without Adding Anecdotes or “But, but, but….”
It takes a lot out of man to give a genuine apology to his wife. To admit he was wrong, make amends, repent, and show remorse isn’t something to take lightly. Especially since most men’s pride will prohibit them from ever being humble in this way, to anyone, not just their wife.
Don’t attempt to humble him further, make him feel worse, drag on the problem, or bring up other things he didn’t apologize for.
You are allowing the enemy to steal the potential peace your husband was attempting to create by diffusing a situation with a kind, authentic gesture. You are not adding anything good or positive by turning a moment of resolution into conflict, disorder, disagreement, or shame.
“Pleasant words are as a honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.”
Proverbs 16:24 KJVA
Soft speaking in volume and nature will go much further with a man than shameless attitude, yelling, griping, and a hard heart that refuses to forgive.
Accept him with open arms, be his landing pad, and take the rest of his shortcomings before Ha’Mashba’ahk (The Altar). Your ability to forgive can make or break your marriage.
5. Ask Him Everyday How You Can Help/Serve Him
A true helpmeet knows that each day is a new mission for her husbandman. He has a new task, new obstacle to overcome, new mountain to climb, new problem to solve, new life to live. He is looking for a new outlook, new perspective, new tools, new equipment, new gear, and a renewed spirit.
Being a woman prepared to help can mean that for him. Offering yourself as a living sacrifice shows not only that you care about the impact you make and are invested in your household, but that you value being his companion and you care about life being a little easier for him.
Go out of your way to be available for whatever he needs. Whether it’s his favorite meal, a back rub, or a night with the bed to himself, you’ll be surprised when he reveals what could really make a difference for him right now.
He could go from depressed and anxious to relaxed and feeling secured all because you were there. But you have to ask. You won’t know what he isn’t revealing until you ask.
6. Love His Children
A true Israelite man loves and cherishes his own seed. It’s his pride and joy. He sees the beauty, adores being a provider and protector of little ones, and stands tall against anything that threatens his child(ren)’s security.
This goes for his kids that you bore and those that you didn’t (for wives with step kids, or sisterwives who’s husband may have other wives and kids). You cultivate trust, admiration, and a desire for him to protect you even more when he sees that you,his rib, love and nourish the fruit of his loins.
It’s orderly, seamless, peaceful, and sound when a man can trust his wife (or wives) with his children. His heart delights when he is away. He can be at ease. He knows he has left the sheep in his pasture in good hands.
This goes for everything else of his, honestly.
His home no matter how big or small, fancy or simple. His businesses. His reputation. His heart. His clothes. His parents. His vulnerability. His name when he isn’t around.
Love what’s his the way he loves what’s his. Especially yourself. You are his greatest investment, too! Invest in that which he invests! Care about that for which he cares. Give your attention to what he gives his attention to. You’ll communicate maternal instinct, feminine nature, and most of all, your ability as a wife to conform and cling to your man’s desires and heart.
“The grace of a wife delighteth her husband, and her discretion will fatten his bones.”
Ecclesiasticus 26:13 KJVA
7. Be Physical
A woman’s soft, caring, gentle touch is often men’s weakness. Kisses on the cheek, backrubs, loving embraces, and handholding are easy ways to communicate appreciation for what he does, pride in being his woman, and adoration for who he is.
“A good wife is a good possession, which shall be given in the portion of them that fear Hayah.”
Ecclesiasticus 26:3
Body language also speaks volumes. Crossing your arms, turning your body away as he’s speaking to you, rolling your eyes, balling your fist, or putting your chin up can mean defensiveness, aggression, opposition, and combat in the subconscious psyche for a man.
Be intentional with your movements, hands, eyes, and the messages you want to send when your mouth is closed.
8. Check On People (and Things) He Cares About
“The sluggard lusteth, but his soul hath nought: but the soul of the diligent shall have plenty.”
Proverbs 13:4
You are your husband’s greatest investment. And here’s a little secret: he’s invested with hopes to see a return.
Is there a better way to show you are invested in his life than to check on people he loves?
His parents, siblings, his children, his flock if he has animals. His computer, his laundry, his itinerary. Everything typically under his care. Taking some time to lighten his load and help him manage little everyday happenings communicates love, respect, and that you have been paying attention.
A house is only as strong as it’s weakest link. Find honor and beauty in the care of things that he may sometimes neglect, forget, or fail to notice. This is one way to invest in your husband, and you are sure to see a return.
9. Don’t Be Lazy Behind Closed Doors
Sex isn’t a taboo subject here. Neither should it be in your bedroom.
If you aren’t ‘unclean’ (by way of menstruation), sick, or fasting, you shouldn’t be withholding sex from your partner. Scripture tells us we have a benevolence due to our Masters.
“Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.”1 Corinthians 7:3-5
Understand sex is a part of your duties, just as much as it is his duty to provide a roof and food to eat. It is shameful and unseemly to withhold sex from your husband as a form of punishment or withdrawal.
Sex is a normal and natural desire for all of humanity. Treat your husband’s desire with discretion, urgency, care, and forethought.
Better bonding in the bedroom can often mean all the difference in the world in how quick he is to come home after work, how invested he becomes in foreplay, or the effort he puts into his own appearance. Don’t take these moments for granted, be sincere, open, honest, and engaged with your focus 100% on him.
If he allows it, wear lingerie. Some sweet perfumes and glitter on your skin. He may even enjoy having toys and other adult gadgets.
Most importantly, always ask him about what he wants to change, what he dislikes, what he loves, and how you can make it a better bonding experience for the both of you.
10. Step Up Your Kitchen Skills
Look, if you’re applying everything above PLUS enhanced cooking, your man will be falling in love with you at least three times a week.
You always want to be mindful of his likes and dislikes when it comes to eating. But don’t be afraid to try new recipes, recipes from his favorite region, recipes you saw on Instagram, recipes with raw veggies only, recipes for libido, recipes for better rest, recipes he thought only his mother knew how to make right.
Anything you can think of to keep things fresh and new.
Similarly, with your old recipes, try to incorporate new elements. Try different spices. Substitute your ground beef for turkey. Instead of regular cheese, use smoked cheese (it makes a savory difference).
Don’t veer away from hearty, full course meals that sometimes takes all day. He is worth it, and it doesn’t have to be a special occasion. Each day that you get to serve your man is a special occasion. Show that you love him with the way you feed him.
If times are hard and you guys can’t always afford to eat ‘big’, then opt for making everything more presentable. Decorate the plate. Let him eat in silence, or watching his favorite show. Massage him as he dines. Anything to make him feel special even if the food is not.
Some things that speak volumes:
Have a fresh snack ready for him when he walks through the door and something to keep him satisfied until dinner: onion rings, fresh veggies and dipping sauce, sandwiches, chips and salsa, to name a few.
If you have guests or kids, make his plate first. No man wants to feel like anything but number 1 in his wife’s heart.
Let him sit, and bring the food to him. This is especially effective if you’ve taken the time out to invest in your appearance for the day.
Make dessert! Seriously. Whether cake, brownies, sundaes, smoothies, chocolate dipped fruit (which is surprisingly easy to make), follow up with something sweet. He might follow up giving you something even sweeter.
11. Be Faithful
“Admonish thou young women, that they love their husbands, that they love their children; and that they be prudent, chaste, sober, having care of the house, benign, subject to their husbands, that the word of Hayah be not blasphemed.”
Titus 2:3-5
Not loving your husband and your children, being imprudent, shameless, drunken, mean spirited, rough, rebellious, and neglecting your home is apparently considered blasphemy of The Word according to Titus 2:3-5.
You home and marriage is your ministry. It needs to be taken seriously and accounted for.
Whatever tasks and assignments your Master has given you, see to it’s completion without excuses. Before you care about talking on the phone with a friend, scrolling through social media, or watching your favorite show, make sure your home is in order.
Faithfulness means putting Hayah and his ordinance for you FIRST. Seek Him FIRST. Depend on Him FIRST. Go to Him FIRST.
With your heartache, with your complaints, with any offenses made against you. Follow in the way of Hayah even when your husband may seem distant and your children are wayward. Again, every house is only as strong as it’s weakest link.
Remember your vows. Remember you are in subjection to your husband. Remember whose house you are in. Remember who you represent. Remember that a wife is a helpmeet, the best friend of man, the Pillar of the House of YHWH.
12. Maintain Modesty
A wife’s modesty speaks to how much she does or doesn’t respect her husband, especially as an Israelite.
No other man is paying your bills, providing a roof and bed for you, protecting you, giving you children, or guiding you to spiritual restoration. So why should another man get to see what your husband works so hard to maintain?
Modesty isn’t just about being uncovered, but a large part of it is.
Deciding to cover my head full time and wear more conservative clothing has guided me in learning how to be moderate in other areas too. In my speech, in my temper, in my eating, in my jewelry/makeup, etc.
Especially in eye contact with other men.
In the modern world, who cares. It’s just eyes. It doesn’t mean anything. Anybody can look at anybody. No big deal.
But in The House of David, a whore is known by the raising of her eyes.
The fornication of a woman is in the raising of (her) eyes; and [she] shall be known in the eyelids of her.
Ecclesiasticus 26:9
Being shamefaced requires eyes rarely made contact with by the eyes of other men, a face hardly seen by other men, and hands that are quick to only serve her husband’s cause.
When my husband’s brother or father comes around, I hide myself out of respect for my husband. It isn’t something he has ever told me to do, and he hasn’t ever made me feel ashamed to be around his male friends or family. But there is a distinct separation to be kept at all times, especially since they are not my friends– they are his.
Reserve your beauty for his eyes only. Dress to do the opposite of enticing others.
This doesn’t mean you have to look repugnant, unkempt, or raggedy. It just means you dress to impress you husband and you don’t care much to impress the rest.
The Daughters of Israel don’t have to wear a niqab (facial veil that only reveals the eyes) or a burqa (full facial veil that covers everything, eyes included), but it would be wise to consider those things if your husband will have company. Similarly, keep your makeup, jewelry, and other adornments like headwraps, scarves, hats, etc. minimalistic.
This list may be simple…
But ask any wife: it isn’t easy.
However with prayer, dedication, and most of all, LOVE– you can conquer anything and be a wife who invests in her marriage.
Remember:
“{Love} Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.”
1 Corinthians 13:7 KJV
Go blow your husband’s mind????
I pray this post finds you well, blesses your home, and touches your marriage for the better????. Thank you for reading. If you enjoyed, don’t forget to like, share subscribe to stay updated with Kosher Living Practices, Hebrew Homemaking Help, Biblical Hebrew Words/Phrases, and more content just like this here on The Hebrew Housewife.
