You shall not covet [that is, selfishly desire and attempt to acquire] your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male servant, or his female servant, or his ox, or his donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.”

Exodus 20:17

How often do you have thoughts like these:

“Wow I love her hair! I wish I had hair like that!” “Ugh her husband takes good care of her! I hope my husband can get a job where he works!” “She’s always posting her cooking and it looks amazing. Why can’t I cook like that?”

What usually happens after these thoughts? Do you actually pursue or try to manifest those desires, or do you just sulk and wish and hope and wonder?

Comparison is the thief of joy. It steals our contentment–or rather, we willingly give it away. We willingly say to ourselves, “I won’t be happy until I have this thing that belongs to someone else.”

And telling yourself, “I want what they have, but I know someone else wants what I have so I’ll be thankful,” is not the tea that you think it is. Especially when it comes to marriage.

Aside from the possibility that the grass isn’t greener on the other side (it never is), envy is lethal because it takes us out of our daily lives and pulls us into this endless endeavor towards acquiring this and obtaining that, instead of being fully present right where we are.

Nine times out of ten, we aren’t even praying for those things, either. We’re trying by the might of our own strength to get things we weren’t thinking about until we saw someone else with it–like children seeing other children’s toys.

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Coveting was the root of the very first murder.

Cain and Abel both offered sacrifices to Yah, however Yah only blessed Abel’s. Cain wasn’t pleased to see his brother receive a blessing that he probably felt they both should’ve gotten at the very least. He slayed his brother, and when questioned about it by Adam, his father, Cain (basically) said, “I don’t know where he’s at. Am I my brother’s keeper?”

You can’t inherit someone else’s portion, gifts, or anointing. You can only possess, nurture, and water what YAHUAH has written for you, has waiting for you, and has already given you.

As a wife, are you content? Are you happy? Are you living in gratitude?

Or do you tell yourself you’ll be happy when you get what you want?

There’s a reason YAHUAH tells us not to covet thy neighbor’s property, possessions, and blessings. Envy breeds a hunger that is hard is quench, and often times can’t be quenched until we take something away from someone else. It isn’t enough for us to not have something– we want someone else to not have it too.

Your envy of another family, of another home, of another woman’s calling is lethal to your marriage in that you minimize and diminish your husband’s work, talents, and efforts by failing to acknowledge them.

Don’t give away the joy and peace of your marriage by consenting to envy and coveting.

You’ll find yourself saying to your husband things such as:

“I wish you would….”

“So and so’s husband doesn’t…”

“You need to… then I’ll be happy/do my part.”

There’s probably nothing that will turn your husband’s heart away from you faster than you comparing his efforts, being, or anointing to that of anyone else. It’s not the encouragement or clear communication that’s effective for expressing your hopes for the future.

Coveting is one of those things that are easy to get into and difficult to recover from. All it takes is one glance at a shiny piece of jewelry, one instance of hearing about someone else’s blessing, one hushed thought about what you would do if you had Oprah money. It slowly creeps in with vain imagination, turns into longing, and before you know it, you are either saddened by a perceived lack, or motivated with vain ambition to acquire.

You’re one coveting away from comparing your husband to another man.

You’re one coveting away from failing to acknowledge what your husband does for your family.

You’re one coveting away from neglecting your home because you no longer see the value in it.

We need to gird our spiritual loins just as the Proverbs 31 Woman does, and KEEP them girded against the subtle and dark trenches of coveting and envy!

How to Fight Envy

Survey your life and appreciate what and who is there

Gratitude will hem you in behind and before so that you enjoy, relish, and cherish the mercy and love you’ve already received.

Stop gazing upon the life of others

If you aren’t thinking about a new car until you see someone on Instagram with one, then you need to turn away from Instagram. Be careful what you behold with your eyes. Where you fix your gaze is likely the direction you are walking. What are you aiming at?

Ask for what it is that you want

I can’t stress this enough. We often get angry with Abba YAHUAH because we don’t have this or that. The whole time He just may be looking down upon you, bored as He sits on His Throne with your blessing in His Hands, thinking to Himself, “But you didn’t even ask.”

Open your mouth. Don’t pout. Your Father is The Giver of Good Gifts.

Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not.

James 4:2